Tami and her husband Dustin adopted two of their three children with the help of Lifetime Adoption. We’re delighted to be able to share Tami’s story of how adoption has graced her life. We hope that her beautiful words will encourage you today as you move through your own adoption journey!
Two months after Dustin and I vowed to “love each other till death do us part,” our life together was hit by a huge curveball: Dustin was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Our life, our future all became uncertain in a moment of time.
It all happened so fast. Surgery was immediately on our calendar, with radiation dominating the following six weeks. We were young and for the first time had big decisions to make. Should we quickly try to get pregnant before Dustin had surgery and radiation? Should we go to the sperm bank and make a deposit to draw from when this craziness settled down?
God knew our path, and He steadied our hearts before Him. This was no surprise to God. He was going to use it for His glory and our good … we just didn’t know how or when.
Dustin’s surgery and radiation treatment were a success, and he was cancer-free — praise God! We resumed our days as newlyweds, now suddenly older and wiser. Those days turned to months, and the months turned to years. My lifelong eagerness to start a family never waned, but God’s timing was perfect.
Throughout our marriage, I have always prayed that when God is ready to move our life a certain way, He will move through my husband. Yes, we talk about things, but as for God’s timing, I wait for the green light from my man.
That green light came around our four-year anniversary, but the green light was actually a red light. Over the next few years, we pursued IVF, each time getting the devastating news that we were not pregnant. Finally, on what ended up being our fifth and final attempt, a positive pregnancy test lit up our world — but that joy was short-lived as this precious life only lasted a few weeks. Utter brokenness! I begged and pleaded for what I wanted … never once asking God what He wanted for us.
After our hearts mourned the loss of this dream and this little soul, God gave us new hope. Hope that our family would grow. Hope that we would be parents one day. Hope that families aren’t always grown by one’s flesh and blood but by love. And, again, in a moment’s time, our world suddenly changed.
A friend who had heard about Lifetime referred us to them. We immediately filled out an application and, with fingers/toes/eyes crossed, we waited to hear if we were accepted. I will never forget standing in Macy’s with my mom, buying makeup for my sister’s wedding the next day, when I got the call. We were now a Lifetime family, and our dream of becoming parents was actually going to happen. The joy, the tears, the hope, the exhilaration. I think I told everyone I saw that we were adopting — that I was going to be a mom.
Nine months later (funny, huh?), our first son was born and in our arms. Lifetime had beautifully matched us with his birth mom just a few months before he made his world debut, and we were blessed to be at the hospital for his birth.
This adoption was textbook perfect — God knew I needed that. I needed the ease so I could still heal from not experiencing pregnancy. I needed to feel “normal.” I needed the baby shower. I needed the meals to be brought to us once we were home as a family of three. I wanted to be treated just like every other mother was treated. It was healing and beautiful, and we couldn’t wait to grow our family again.
As we waited to be matched with another birth mother, we were asked by an extended family member the day before she gave birth if we would please adopt their baby. Excitement and joy quickly turned to sorrow as they changed their minds a couple of days after the baby was born. Another year went by, and on my birthday of all days, God’s tender mercies reminded us that His timing was beautiful. A birth mom had chosen us to be her son’s parents. For the second time, we were able to be at the hospital when our son was born.
Our son’s adoption was to be finalized just 30 days later, and we were thrilled, but — wait for it — the birth father came out of nowhere and wanted to fight to keep this amazing little boy. For a third time, our world was shaken. Six months later, a judge deemed the birth father extremely unfit, and our son was legally ours, forever.
We knew we wanted a large family, but that meant going again through the ups and downs of the adoption process. God had called us to this, changed our lives and hearts, and gave us a passion for it. But we felt too tired to pursue adoption all over again. I prayed that if God wanted us to have more children, that He would bring them to us! And that He did.
Less than two years after our second son was born, family acquaintances contacted us about adopting their baby girl, who was due to be born in just three weeks. We tiptoed carefully and wisely through this one, trusting completely in God’s will. I was at the hospital when she was born (third time!). One full year later, her adoption was finalized.
Through cancer, failed IVF, miscarriage, three extremely beautiful adoptions, and one failed adoption, God has taught us so much and grown our hearts tremendously. Our relationships with our birth families are sacred and God-given. We do not take them for granted, and we love the families deeply.
For God’s glory, if we could go back and experience pregnancy instead of going down our adoption paths, would we? We can’t imagine our life without our three children, without learning what we have learned, without growing deeper in our walks with God, and without giving hope to other families who are walking down similar paths. Our journey is beautiful and perfect, just the way it is.
Connections for Open Adoption:
In Ventura County, contact Homes With Heart VC Adoption www.homeswithheartvc.org, www.lifetimeadoption.com, www.americanadoptions.com.
Beth is the mother of six daughters and five granddaughters under five so far,
married to the love of her life, her British-American husband, Paul Michael.
She is the author of Love Joy Trump: A Chorus of Prophetic Voices,
Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and MyPillowMyStore.com
(Mike Lindell wrote the foreword to the book).
The Best Is Yet to Come!
