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Practicing Deep Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a popular topic, and everyone on the Internet seems to have a new suggestion or activity for how to do it best. But what I often hear in my practice is how practicing gratitude “isn’t enough.” I attribute this to what I call a “cognitive concentration bias.”

Cognitive biases are distortions in our thinking that cause us to form perceptions which become our reality. Simply put, what we concentrate on is more likely to define our perceptions. I use this principle in working with clients because humans have a stronger cognitive concentration bias towards the negative than the positive — and that makes all the difference.

Let me demonstrate. Think about something that upsets you. Now imagine talking with someone about it. What kinds of words are you using? What evidence are you providing? What rationale are you giving to justify or explain your experience? I call this “giving your dissertation.” Most people can go on in great detail and with passion about what frustrates them.

By comparison, when I ask someone about what they are grateful for, I typically get a list — not just a list but a shallow, mundane, little-thought-about list that includes the generic “family, friends, a roof over my head, food, my job,” and other banalities. These are all things to be thankful for, of course, but the difference between the two responses is our level of engagement — our passion, our deep sense of feeling. The theory of neuroplasticity affirms that the more we interact with or have a certain type of thought, the more predisposed our brains become in thinking that way. We literally create our perceived reality.

This time of year, there is constant talk about gratitude, counting your blessings and giving thanks. This is a great thing to do, but it is often not done well. Let me hearken back to a great American president for help. In 1863, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed that the last Thursday of November was to be set apart “as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise.” This took place during the Civil War when blood was being shed on multiple battlefields, with indeterminate results. Still, Lincoln wrote:

“No human counsel hath devised, nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

“It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do, therefore, invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that, while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.”

President Lincoln acknowledged that our nation’s blessings come not from our brilliance or goodness but from the very hand of God. As a clinical psychotherapist and biblical counselor, I recognize that Lincoln’s wisdom is biblical — and good psychology. In a letter to the tiny church in Philippi, the apostle Paul offered a similarly perfect antidote to negative cognitive concentration bias. Instead of thinking about everything that upsets or worries you, Paul advised us to think about things that are beautiful, good, praiseworthy and uplifting. These are all attributes of a perfect and righteous God. If we focus on the power and goodness of God, like President Lincoln and the apostle Paul did, we break the power of negative concentration.

Let me ask you, what are you thankful for? I encourage you to start with a gratitude list, then take it a step further. Explain why you are grateful for those things. Why are you grateful for your family? What do they mean to you? What does this gift in your life say about the goodness of God?

Be motivated at this time of year to “take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5) so that the forthcoming day of “Thanksgiving and Praise” becomes a time of deep, sustained gratitude for what God has done for us and given to us.

I assure you, it will transform your perception and enjoyment of life.

1 COMMENT

  1. Check out Alfie Kohn’s article re ‘gratitude’. The phrase should be put in a box on a shelf with the trendy 1980s ‘codependency,’ which brainwashed a lot of people into staying single long after they really wanted to … afraid that they would be ‘codependent’ if they got emotionally involved with someone else. What about, ‘you don’t love yourself’ … another damaging psyche’ mumbo jumbo, over hyped, trendy meaningless phrase. All very damaging in the long run.

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